I remember when I would be working in restaurants or for parties or in coffee shops and I would wish I was an attendee, not an employee.
Today I'm sitting at my computer at Starbucks thinking about how grateful I am, that at this point, I have designed my life in such a way where I get to sit here and write this blog.
I remember a time when I had no idea how I would, have kids, produce an income and take care of myself.
It's a learning curve for sure.
I had a lot of blocks around making money and having kids.
I wanted to be able to be with them & make money, hence, dog walking.
Being a mother has taught me to have thicker skin.
Patience doesn't always come easy, it's a daily goal.
When I was getting a divorce and moving away, I forgot about the part where I would now need to hold space for, not only my own healing but my kids who were also processing the split and what that means for them.
It was a lot of heightened emotions.
The chaos of my married life with their father carried over into the new peaceful life I was looking to create.
Instead of verbal, physical & emotional abuse from my x husband, I was now dealing with the after effects in my kids.
Most days I handled it well, but every now and then I would be stressed & overwhelmed and it would not be pretty.
Its interesting and unfortunate that oftentimes, victims become the abusers.
For me, my neural pathway towards anger also comes from my upbringing, because my Dad was more angry before he started practicing Buddhism.
All the work I do on a daily basis is with the intention that I not only, don't mess up my kids brains, but that I can also enrich their lives with love and experiences.
At this point in my life, my time is my own, who I give that time to is a conscious choice.
I am present and conscious in most of my choices, when I find myself operating out of my subconscious, I work to bring more awareness.
Here is one of the philosophies I live by, Do all things with a joyful and gracious heart, especially if its a task that has the potential to be less than pleasurable task.
I showed up for work 2 days ago, hanging by a thread emotionally, crying, day 3 of my moon cycle and on the heels of a fight with my daughter.
I was asked to clean up a nasty wet splatter from the dogs rear end.
Got on with my friend, on a video call with me, he was playing me the guitar which comforted me.
I had just claimed earlier, that, if you're going to do something, Do it joyfully and gratefully, now here I was asked to clean shit.
The metaphor was beautiful and I was delighted by the irony.
I did need to clean up shit, in my mind.
So, as I was cleaning, laughing at the irony, feeing Joyful, I found a way to be grateful for this task, I used it as an opportunity to imagine and literally physically by cleaning up this shit I was also cleaning up the "shit" of my mind.
We have opportunities like this everyday.
Long line where you'd usually be impatient?
Practice focusing your mind elsewhere to pass the time.
This idea of using all circumstances as a lesson & opportunity really solidified for me through my practice of Buddhism.
Your encouraged to have a balanced mindset when it comes to people places and things.
To release judgment about right wrong good bad, recognizing things, people, places just ARE.
"It is what it is." Thats the motto.
I keep learning this one everyday via my relationships.
Holding loosely, like my mentor Amanda Frances says is a key component to allowing.
So, here we are.
Sitting in Starbucks, feeling grateful I have the space and time to write this blog.
Hopefully something I said here helps or sparks something in you today.
My wish is that we would all live lives we are in LOVE with.
That we as a human race would find more ways to love ourselves & others daily.
That we would Love our lives and feel happy, blissful, content, inspired and grateful.
Whats one thing you will d for you today? In what ways can you help yourself experience Joy & Gratitude? Lmk in the comments.