I am no stranger to the dark side.
I lived for years suffering with victim and lack mentality.
I believed things about myself that were not ultimately true.
I let those false beliefs guide my life.
What did it take to get me from a state of victim mentality to a state of abundance and flow?
It took having no place to call my own multiple times.
It took failed relationships, it took, fights with my children and my parents.
It took me really looking at myself and being HONEST.
What do I really want?
What will it take for me to get what I really want?
WHO do I have to BE to have the things I say I want?
Those are the questions I had to ask then and those are the same questions I ask now.
I am in a season in my life that may not look like much from the outside... but GOD and I know what I went through to get to where I am now.
I have a small 1 bd apartment in the valley and I drive a modest Honda which I am still paying my sister back for.
Well, last year I moved out from my was-bands house for the 3rd time since 2019.
All my things were in storage and I was renting Airbnb rentals, staying with my dad, renting motels and staying with friends.
I was in survival mode. I was experiencing PTSD and hyper-vigilance.
I still had to work, pay bills, take care of myself, take care of my kids...
What is my point?
My point is when we allow our circumstances to determine our mood and our behavior we shoot ourselves in the foot.
Circumstances are always changing.
Circumstances are going to be what they are going to be, if we can find a way to FEEL GOOD and grateful and happy and peaceful in ANY circumstance, that is the true win.
When we are defined by GOD and the will of the divine, these Earthly circumstances don’t define us.
That does not mean we can not strive for earthly possessions or luxuries.
What I mean is, when you KNOW that wherever you’re going, it’s for the highest will of GOD, there is nothing that can be wrong.
Everything in its strange and unpredictable way is toward that end.
I don’t know about you but I MUST live this way or else I truly do feel Nihilistic.
In a way everything is meaningless.
Purpose and meaning is given by the individual.
So why not choose to believe that you are a divinely sent human to do GREAT things on this Planet?
It’s a lot of responsibility but the weight is lifted when we surrender to the will of the divine. When we KNOW in our bones that our purpose is to BE in our LOVING heart.
Especially when others say and do things that make us want to scream and punch walls.
I have CHOICES… EVERYDAY…
I do not have to stay stuck on the hamster wheel of our past.
I do not have to be defined by my circumstances.
I GET to CHOOSE to BE the BEST version of myself everyday and that is going to look different everyday.
I GET to nourish myself without guilt because ME being the BEST version of ME is the BEST for all those around Me.
So I am going to GO OUT AND BE THE LIGHT OF THIS LIFE I AM MEANT TO BE AND F all the REST.
Love you.
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