It's just time now. Its time. I've been doing the work since I started journaling when I was 13 years old, which means I've been working on myself for 17 Years. It's time to come out with it. All of it. My struggle through my Fears and self- doubt. The reason I never came out with it before is because I was ashamed of it. I was scared of how I would be perceived. "You mean You're NOT the "JOY" Like everyone expects you to be?
What would a person like me have to be ashamed of? A lot. Believe me. To this day I will not be coming out with a lifetime of self- sabotaging situations I allowed myself to be in. What I WILL come forward about is the fact that even though I may be viewed as some "Happy Go Lucky" "Go with the Flow" "Lightseeker" ~ The TRUTH is I have struggled for years with Depression and Anxiety. As SO MANY of us have! As SO MANY of us STILL DO!
I hear stories everyday of people struggling in this area. WHY?! When we have so much to focus on outside ourselves in this life that can bring us out of such damaging thoughts.
When I was 17 I started Studying Buddhism and was meditating regularly and teaching meditation courses. While at the same time I was a deviant in the night.
The TRUTH is, Something still felt like it was missing in my spiritual practice. I was accustomed to having met Jesus and Had explored many other esoteric concepts.
Buddhism just wasn't cutting it for me because I've never really been religious. WHICH has actually HURT me not HELPED ME.
We've altered the meaning of RELIGION. To be Religious by the definition of Dictionary.com is simply this: of, relating to, or concerned with religion:a religious holiday.imbued with or exhibiting religion; pious; devout; godly:a religious man.scrupulously faithful; conscientious:religious care.
To be Religious means being SCRUPULOUSLY FAITHFUL! -
Are we being Faithful to? That is my question.
Faithful: Loyalty, Consistent, Devotion!
Since When was that to be considered a BAD thing to be?
This is what I was missing. So I tried it on for size. I tried being Religious with Buddhism. What I found was a sense of denial of self. Denying my thoughts the right to control me. Instead of allowing them to take charge. When we deny ourselves we find great strength! It may sound counterintuitive but lets think about this concept for a moment. Which by the way also rings true in Christianity. In a handful of religions we see this thread.
This Denial of self.
When we deny the self interactions and experiences that are not good for us we gain confidence. When we remove ourselves from a situation or circumstance for the sake of self preservation. Some may call this "selfish" but it's this exact twisted mindset that keeps us doing things for other people out of FEAR of perhaps losing them as a friend.
When we deny our FEAR in situations that are truly non life threatening we find ourselves coming from authenticity.
We CHOOSE to act in confidence, FAITHFULLY and leave the Fear.
Our minds Say, "What if this? What if that?" or "They may think you're Ignorant"-
The irony that one of my fears is being considered Ignorant is laughable because It's TRUE!~
Ignorance of some things is the RULE not the exception in a world where there is SO MUCH to KNOW!
The expectation in this society is that we become educated in all aspects that are available to us. While I value Knowledge and Education I do feel like the Shame associated with not knowing something should be removed. The problem is the denial of ignorance. The FEAR of Ignorance. Which has held me back from truly speaking.
SO I am here to say. Eye have SO MUCH to Learn & I have SO MUCH to GIVE from what I have learned. AND IT'S TIME TO GIVE. Even though I may not know everything. Who really does? When we gain wisdom we truly learn and become aware of all we don't know. We don't allow that to hold us back we allow that to PROPEL us forward towards the fire. Extinguishing our Fear of being perceived in a way out of our control. THE TRUTH IS no matter what we do to attempt to control the perceptions of others we do NOT have that much power. Biggest Lesson: We have the power to control ourselves.
Sometimes we may FEEL powerless to control ourselves but this is a LIE.
Controlling of self takes practice, presence and patience.
YOU CAN DO IT! EYE BELIEVE IN YOU!~ ARE YOU READY? ~EYE AM READY!
(Right in the middle of this post I first saw 11:11 which tells me I'm on the right track and I should continue in the Present.)
(Secondly, A Man stopped me and commented on my headphones. We had a nice conversation and I told him about what I'm working on.
He linked me up with some of his large music connections. Who knows what will come of it if anything?)
Take away:It says to me that life is flowing TRUTHFULLY.
That my vulnerability in this post is the RIGHT thing to do.
THE MORE EYE AM PRESENT FOR ME THE MORE EYE AM PRESENT FOR YOU!
Thank You for being present with me in this and for reading part of my story.
My HOPE is that I will inspire you to continue to tell your story.
JOIN ME in SURRENDERING your Fears through the FREEDOM SESSIONS!
Peace. Love. Passion.